PASS THE (JOKE) PARCEL

[Felonius_Monk]

[briachek]

why me?

A guy walk's to his buddy's house but his wife answers and tells him that her husband isn't home. She's a very attractive woman so he makes her an offer.

"You are very pretty. Would you flash your breasts for $100"

They could use the money so she agrees and does it.

"For another $100, can I squeeze them?"

Relucantly, she agrees.

"Thanks. Tell your husban I dropped by" and then he leaves.

When her husband gets home, she told him who dropped by and he replied "Good. Did that bastard give you the $200 he owes me?"


I pass it to TW.

[TightWad]

Okay, three guys walk into a bar. One's a nuclear physicist from Birmingham Alabama, one's a Swedish used car salesman who currently lives in Deleware, and the third guy doesn't really matter.

Okay, so the bartender says to nuclear physicist, "Can I get you anything to drink?" But see, the guy's there with his girlfriend, and he told her that he doesn't drink, so he's just like "I'll just take a water." And the bartender replies...

"You want ice in that water?"

Hah hah hah...I pass it to Mecos.

-TW

[MecosKing]

AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
hoohohooohoo--ohh....ohhh, man....im worn out from laug...ohhh...mmm...

i dont get it. You fuck.

Okay so theres these two gay guys right? Two big hot muscle studs that cant get enough of each others butt lovin. Lets name em Gunther and Rocko.

So gunther is sitting at home, just waiting for Rocko to get back from the gym so he can ravage his tight little heiny over and over again, right? Rocko finally comes home from the gym, all sweaty, and Gunther jumps up and starts suckin on Rockos glistening nipples, and nearly busts a nut right there.

Rocko says 'baby...just hold on...lemme shower, then you can disembowel me with your monstrous hunk of man meat, to your hearts content!'

Gunther poutingly agrees (hes the bitch in the relationship, hes got no choice) but says 'hurry up baby, i dunno if i can contain myself'

So Rocko showers and gives himself an enema, etc. and comes out of the shower, only to see Gunther sitting sheepishly on the bed, and a monstrous quantity of man juice all over the wall and the nightstand, the likes of which your used to seeing only in horse-on-woman porn.

Rocko gets all pist off and boxes gunther on the ear and gets all bitchy and is like

'God!! What the hell is wrong with you? Cant you fucking contain yourself 5 minutes??'

And gunther is like

'whatre you talking about baby? I just farted, thats all.'

--

Okay if thats not enough to kill this thread i dunno what is. I wouldve gone into more detail but i figured id cut it short sos to give the Brits reading a case of the ole blueballs.

So lets see- who to next-- ya know, im a little curious as to what sorta jokes ICEMAN has heard from the other coppers in the locker room...

[MecosKing]

[kennyg]

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.



I pass to starstealer

[starstealer]

Well, I've never been terribly good with jokes, but here goes:

A child molester is walking a kid through the woods. Its getting close to dark. The kid looks up at him and says "I'm scared of the dark."

The child molester responds: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone."

I pass to KingSalami

[kingsalami]

[Nortonesque]

[Nortonesque]

[MVPSPORTS]

[MVPSPORTS]

[Felonius_Monk]

[Dumb Snowman]

[euri10]