I don't know what to attribute this to besides blatant stupidity. But as penance for my retarded chasing and calling, I set myself up at a low-limit play money table on RV and forced myself to see every flop, and call every bet so long as I could at least draw to 2 pair by the river. I did this to myself for about 4 hours last night until I fell off my chair exhausted, then did it again for about 3 hours this morning. I no longer want to play anything but a hand that will win, so it worked.
So if you find yourself needing to cool your jets and see just how badly bad poker can treat you, go get some play money chips and play by Phishy Rulez...
Phishy Rulez of Poker
1. Any hand can win in Texas Hold'em. Therefore you must, with any 2 cards, see every single flop at the barest of minimums. Whatever it takes to get to the flop, get there. If you have cards that are the same pretty color (use a 4-color deck just so they're prettier), bet and raise. If you have a nice Blackjack hand in your pocket (20, 21, AA, or anything that can be "split"), bet and raise as much as possible. But definitely see the flop!
2. The hand ain't complete 'till 5th street. Don't give up just because you don't have "the nuts" on the flop. Take a critical look at the flop and what you have in your pocket. Look for a reason to stay in the hand. There will probably be one there, even if you've missed the flop completely. The Turn and River could bring trips or two pair at a minimum. If you've paired the board, you're looking at a boat or quads, potentially. As long as you've got potential to get at least 2 pair on the hand, do what it takes to see the River. If your cards are good (meaning 2nd pair or better), bet and raise.
3. Never fall for a bluffer's BS. Remember that you're on low-limit play money tables. People bluff like lunatics. Don't fall for it. If by the river you have top pair, top kicker, you probably should call. If you have at least 2 pair, bet and raise. You might be surprised at how frequently you get paid.
4. Bet the flop. If nobody has put money into the pot by the time it gets around to you, bet. The more money you get into the pot, the more money you can win. There is only one exception to this. If you flopped the nut flush or better and you are certain someone behind you will bet, check and call or raise. The reason for this is if you certainly have the winning hand, you want people calling at 2xBB instead of folding at 1xBB.
5. Chat. Be abrasive. You'll be amazed at how easy it is to tilt someone at these micro limits.
Results of Phishy Poker Playing
I mentioned earlier that I did this for two sessions. The second session I refined my play somewhat, which is reflected in the rules above.
Session 1: Bought in for 12,000, left the table with 10,500. Blinds were 10/20.
Session 2: Bought in for 5,000, left with just over 7,200. Same blinds.
Session 3: (Real money) Bought in for $5, left with $5.19. Blinds at .05/.10.
Session 4: (Real money) Bought in at $5, left with $2. Not a single damn hand.
Session 5: (Real money) Bought in at $5, left with $12 20 minutes later.
Have fun and Merry Christmas!
P.S. Please remember to do this at play money tables, preferably fixed limit. If you feel the urge to do this at a real money table, you're going to require assistance. It's difficult. Please contact me and let me know the time, place, and stakes and I'll come right in to provide that assistance!
![[s]](https://pofex.com/images/smilies/spades.gif "Spades")
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