Potentially ruining a friendship in order to have a relation

[Xaston]

ship.

Discuss, share with me your elder wisdom everyone.

[SebQtaneus]

Are you talking about having a relationship with a girl you are "friends" with or are you talking about something else?

If this is what you are talking about, then go for it. If it works out then you will still be "friends" and it will be even better. If the relationship doesn't work out, and you guys are able to be adult about it and communicate and split ammicably (sp?), there is no reason that you can't continue to be friends. In fact I would wager (pun intended) that if you remained friends (truly) after breaking up, you would probably value her friendship even more than you did before you tried it out. So go ahead, take the chance. I mean geez, you play poker don't ya?

I've been married now for over 15 years and she is still my best friend when it comes right down to it. Now, I don't have a large circle of friends to start out with so your mileage may vary.

P.S. read "The Theory of Poker" again. Seriously.

[Zuccala]

Well, I think as a a guy here I can say this. I do not have any female friends, I just know girls I have not slept with yet!

Go for it. If you guys are good friends and you get along try having a relationship...why not? Thats prolly why u are hanging out with her anyway. I mean if she said straight up " I will never ever sleep with u" would u still hang out with her? I bet no.

As far as I see it. Single guys only hang out with girls for this reason. This is why u are logging all the hours with her as a " friend" right? You want a shot at the title!!

Good Luck!

[AlexMR]

At the title or the titie??

[Kuso]

i wouldn't get too wrapped up in titles. your relationship is what it is. if you call yourself friends, but you both want to get it on, then you're not really "just friends". if you shag a few times but don't really have the spark, you're not really "dating" even if you call the person your bf/gf. there is really a whole continuum between dating and friendship that is defintely worthy of exploring.

just let it flow naturally. if some chick pulls this "i don't want to ruin our friendship" crap, then let it go -- she's not really interested. if she asks what you think, just say the truth -- our relationship is what it is and there's no need to put a label on it. the bizarro part is that sometimes this indifference increases the woman's attraction to you (although it reflects a bit of immaturity).

i agree that even if a relationship doesn't work out, there is absolutely no reason why the friendship has to end. if your relationship is really that fragile, you probably didn't really have that solid of a friendship anyway and/or someone isn't really conducting themselves in a mature way.

just my 2 cents... ymmv.

[T-Rod]

I have 5 women who I've once dated seriously, and we are today friends. Several of them I've introduced to their new boyfriends.

The friendship will not be ruined if you committ yourself to always being 100% honest with her and always treating her with respect. If the romance unfortunately fizzles in the future, then you can still be friends if you have that foundation. It is easier said than done, and I would recommend actually having a open discussion about it with her.

FWIW, being 100% honest includes not misleading her just because you don't want to hurt her feelings. IF it's not working, tell her. It also includes not leading her to believe you care about her more than you do just for a little pickle tickle.

FWIW, treating her with respect means if you get tired of dating her, break up with her as oppossed to sleeping with a new girl, etc.

Finally, if it does not work out and you want to be friends, I can tell you you must do one thing or else it will never work. You have to have 30 days without any contact whatsoever. Neither of you will want to do this, but trust me, it works. After 30 days, you get all the hurt feelings and the akwardness out and you can be friends again.

Hope this helps. If you are thinking enough to write a post about it, then I say definitely go for it.

Tim

[Rhound50]

[Rhound50]

[ua1176]

[NorthView]

Some more detail would be helpful, but I can see why you might not want to elaborate. I'm assuming it's a girl<<space>>friend with whom you're considering removing the <<space>>.

Listen, I hate to say this because it's not the way it would be in an ideal world, but we're far from an ideal world...

Men and women just don't form lasting non-sexual friendships the way that men-men and women-women do. The reason for this is that if you like each other enough to want to spend time together then the chances are you're going to want more, so sex, or the possibility of it, will always get in the way of a supposedly platonic relationship.

Women usually see these things slightly differently, and are generally far more at home in the twilight world of greys rather than blacks and whites.

Without more info (her older brother is an incestuous homicidal maniac, paranoid schizophrenia runs in her family etc), I think you should follow your heart, though if it's a long-term and well-established friendship be prepared for the "you're a really good friend and I don't want to spoil that" BS line that most guys I know (me included) have had at some point or other.

Let us know what you decide, and good luck if you go after her - at 42 I'd almost forgotten the pains of youth!

[Juskimo]

Think of it this way. You will go through 20-30 sets of friends in your life.

I am not that much of an old geezer, but I can think of several hundered friends I was sure that I would keep in touch with for the rest of my life and maybe 30 that I have actually kept in touch with.

The odds of this (no matter how close you are) ending up as one of those "friends for life" is pretty remote.

You will have tons of people (and women) in your life. Dont think this is the last female friend you will ever have.

-Jus

[T-Rod]

I agree mostly with what Northview said, with a twist.

If you have a friend, try to be more, fail but become friends again, then you can often have a pretty good friend after that, even though she's a woman. Why? Because the sexual tension is or should be gone. That's a huge obstacle to men and women being friends.

[kennyg]

i anxiously await rdale's and mvp's response.


I think you should reread sklansky's holdem for advanced players.

[Xaston]

[bobby]