I did an hour of poker last night, whoopie! I made like $40. $20 from cash, $20 from SNG donkage. So far I've cleared $240 out of FTP's $600 bonus. Sharkscope EscapePlan9 on FTP for a funny chart. Notice the HUGE downswing at start.

I'm glad I got back into SC:BW. I love this game! My favorite race still is the mighty protoss. I've been trying to get back in touch with the professional starcraft playing scene - mostly a bunch of asians who are way too good at this game. I don't ever intend on going that hardcore into the game, but I definitely want to improve my game. I think it's safe to say I'm obsessed with this game. Roughly 25% of my day involves studying and practicing Starcraft. Let me make a pie chart of my typical day lately:

Hey Man,

I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling so down. I know it doesn't help much to hear other people say they've "been there" because nobody can really know how it feels to be you or to go through what you're going through.

But I do think a lot of people deal with feeling sad, worthless, rudderless, or other things. You're not some freak on the fringe of life watching all the "normal" people happily deal with their lives. You're not alone on this.

FWIW, I really hated my life when I was in my early twenties. My Dad was an abusive prick as I was growing up. I finally got away from him and moved to a new state with a girl I intended to spend my life with. In a nightmarish scenario, she got very ill and very suddenly passed away. One night, she and I were falling asleep in each others arms. The next day, with no warning, she was gone and I was *completely* alone. I felt cursed and considered ending my life several times over the next year and a half.

I'm not trying to bore you with my life story. I'm just trying to establish that I have some perspective on the issue. When I really hit bottom, I finally decided I either needed to pull the trigger and kill myself or start living my life. Mostly because of all the crap my Dad had laid on me, I had always lived as though there were all these "rules" that governed what I could and could not do. I decided that if I was at the point where I would consider ending my life, maybe the "rules' didn't matter any more and I started trying to do what I wanted, how I wanted. Then came the problem of trying to figure out what I wanted - I understand that dilemma very well.

It's been a slow, ongoing process. It's hard to unlearn all those years of being told why I can't do something or why I'm not good enough. But it does change. As I experimented, I grew more into my skin and got more comfortable with me as I am. It gets a lot easier over time. Eventually, I even started to be happy.

The way you're feeling right now isn't the way you're always going to feel. So please don't consider any permanent solutions to what I assure you is a temporary problem.

Sorry if this post was boring, innappropriate, or seemed self indulgent. Best wishes EP.