Just got back from Vegas and wanted to write this down before I sober up.

Nice.

Nice.

I think the cabby that took us from McCarron to Monte Carlo said that about 12 times. That's after he tried to shake us down for an extra $6 'to take the faster way there'. C'mon dude, it's 3 freakin miles away. He tried to lighten the mood by telling us how much he liked the french fries at the Harley Davidson Cafe 'because they cook them in motor oil'. Then he told us that they were changing the name of the Aladdin to the Bin Laden. Yeah, not a good start. I did tip him $5, but only because he almost ran down one of the sidewalk porn peddlers.

Ah...the sidewalk porn peddlers. If you haven't been to Vegas, then you have to experience them first hand to truly appreciate how valid some ideologies that support genocide truly are. I'll be hearing the 'snap snap' sound in my head for the next week, I'm sure. Freakin' bastids!

The hotel was nice, the rooms have gotten mixed reviews but I didn't have a problem with them. All I needed was a place to crash and bang the wife and they worked for that. We didn't really have to deal with the staff too much, but when we did they were accomodating. We wanted to see a show of some sort while we were there and the ticket chick recommended either Folies Bergere or the Excalibur Knights in Armor dealio. I didn't make her choice that hard, since I told her we wanted to see a show that didn't have 'clowns, magicians, mimes, people painted blue, or transvestites'. If you have never been to Vegas, trust me, that REALLY narrows it down.

Folies Bergere was ok, nothing special. Probably comparable to a semi decent off Broadway gig. Wally Eastwood, the juggler dude (damn, forgot to say I hated jugglers too) was really good. The dancers are topless, and well, topless. There were maybe 2 that had something even remotely resembling a C-cup. Strangely enough, they were always in the front, go figure.

We did a bus tour to the Hoover Dam. Impressive, if nothing else, and well worth the $30. I just wish I didn't miss half a day's poker time for it. The end of the tour was a trip to the Ethel M chocolate factory and a total waste of time, unless you want to pay $8 a pound for purple M&Ms.

On Sunday we did a full day 'ATV Excursion' thru American Adventures. $180 and also well worth the cost. You get almost 4 solid hours of pretty intense off roading (very intense for the wife, who had never ridden before). The halfway point is the top of a pretty high peak that gives you an incredible view of both Nevada and California (the town of State Line was way down at the bottom). Descending down the 'canyon' was pretty hairy too. We stopped at a casino (I forget the name, maybe Gold Coast (?) and I hit the Family Feud slots for $70. Woohoo. We then rode back to the starting point, cutting through a dry lake bed (something we don't have here in NY). With the exception of a pretty bad sunburn (gee, umm, is it sunny in the desert?) it was a great day. Bring some SPF50 if you want to enjoy it more.

The Casinos

Monte Carlo's is nice. Poker room staff are pretty friendly and they win the award for most sarcastic dealers hands down. Not in a rude kinda way, but they were good. One dealer was a real bitch, but she was totally business and did run a good table, so I didn't mind that much. The rest of the casino is laid out pretty well, and is bright and airy.

The Trop is a total dump. I mean, a total, total dump. Smoky, full of sleazy people, just really crappy. I saw some many fat chicks in spandex that I thought I was at Walmart for a second. The poker room is new and has the cleanest chips, but that's all it has going for it. 6 tables, small room, easily forgettable.

The Aladdin has what might be the nicest poker room. Very new, great dealers (at least the 5 I had during the tourney were good), nice staff. The rest of the casino was ok, and the wife liked the Desert Passage shops the most of all. The restaurants were not that hot.

Paris has the nicest bathrooms of them all. No poker, and we couldn't go up in the Eiffel tower due to high winds. Bummer.

Bellagio was the glitziest, of course. Well, that was until we stepped inside the Wynn. That place is amazing, as everyone has said. Didn't get to check out either poker room, unfortunately.

MGM Grand is freakin huge, and the new poker room is really nice, very modern. Didn't get to play there, but it looked like they had a dozen or more tables and a nice electronic wait list board a la the Borgata in Atlantic City.

Excalibur and NY/NY tie for 'best place to hang out if you want to score with slutty chicks'. A lot of kids there, tho, so beware.

Flew back on the redeye to JFK (word of advice, bring your own pillow if you fly Delta Song). I still don't know what day it is, or what time it is, and I don't care.

I've never been to Vegas but when I do go sometime what this ' snap snap' from the porn peddlers, sounds sleazy, nasty and degrading... exactly why I want to go to Vegas.

So what's it all about?

Molina

eddlers, sounds sleazy, nasty and degrading... exactly why I want to go to Vegas.

So what's it all about? <<<<<<<<,,

It's about getting ripped off from hookers. If you want to get a ho in Vegas, check out some online escort review sites...not that I'd ever done anything like that though..

Thanks for the report JD, fun read.

Molina,
Basically, they are illegal alien looking guys that stand on the corner with small, business card sized 'coupons' for hookers. You will be walking down the strip and they will do the 'snap snap' thing to get your attention, then when you look at them they push one of these cards in your face. When you wise up and ignore the 'snap snap' they will, um, push one of these cards in your face. Walking with a chick doesn't make a difference, they will just reach across her and push one of these cards in your face.

If you are looking for a ho there are about 50 pages of ads in the yellow pages for them. There are also little 'newspaper' kiosks full of 'Vegas entertainment guides' - basically, ads for escorts and agencies.

Just a word of advice, 'TS' does not stand for 'Totally Special', and a 'Mistress' is not someone that you keep in an apartment somewhere away from your wife.

Me and the missus bagged a few to show friends. It is dead funny to swarm on the guys going through trying to get every type of card they have.

The click clicking though... ouch.

Rich

Forgot to add a quick restaurant review, although we didn't hit too many different places in all.

MonteCarlo:

Brew Pub - Get the appetizers and bar snack type food here, but avoid big entrees (at least big steak and/or rib entrees). The french onion soup is excellent, and did I mention the beer?

Dragon Noodle Company - way overpriced, below average sushi, noodles are nothing to brag about. Very forgettable.

Buffet - Ok for breakfast, fruit was nice and fresh and I liked the runny scrambled eggs with sausage. For a cheaper time, get a bagel at the food court.

Excalibur (or maybe it was NYNY, I forget):

Italian place (I forget the name, it's on the 2nd floor) - they had a good 'family style' special that was $20 per - we got 3 orders for 4 of us and it was plenty of food. The chicken parm is very thick and undercooked, but I liked their bolognese sauce. Sausage and Peppers was just average. Not bad for the price, tho.

Every place in the Desert Passage (Aladdin) - sucked.

Margaritaville - pound for pound the hottest looking clientele of them all, food was ok.