So that was my introduction to online poker. I have played live poker on and off for a while now and have been relatively successful at it. I've sucked for a long time but it was around March or April of 2004 that I started taking the game semi-seriously. Pretty soon I understood a whole lot more about the game and found myself beating home games with relative ease. It only seemed natural that if I tried a few more times I would pretty soon have a huge online bankroll without any problems. However, as most of you have encountered at some point or another, things aren't so simple, and even as I was finally beginning to build a real bankroll there were many times where I would take a big step back by going on tilt or playing above my level. Around November or December I finally started enjoying regular success and played the game nightly. WIthout much else to do around the house, most of my time outside of my job was spent involving poker in one way or another. I found the game to be quite fascinating and without knowing it, I began to develop an addiction for it.
Pretty soon I realized that I can make more money playing poker than I can at my job, which paid me a measely $12/hr. So I decided to quit my job. Poker was more fun, more profitable, and less stressful to me than my real job. How hard could it be to play poker full-time, right? Ha. After playing $2/4NL and $1/2NL (and LOTS of it) everyday for the past two weeks or so I've begun to hate it. My recent losing streak was not helping matters, as lots of bad beats tend to take a psychological toll on me. I found myself spending WAY too much time with poker; when not playing it I was either reviewing my hand history, talking to friends about certain hands, or reading BTP/2+2/UPF, etc. I realize this isn't what I want to be doing with my life. Poker started as a small recreation for me and I have realized that I want to keep it that way. After a particularly horrible session 3-tabling $1/2NL today where I was hit by back-to-back rivered 2-outers, I was just about finished with it. And in an incredibly stupid attempt to make my lost money back I sat at a $5/10 table and promptly got smacked by getting AA and QQ cracked for $800.
I don't want to turn this into a bad beat post. So I won't. I have realized that I don't want to be doing this anymore. I don't think my life should revolve around poker; I have to admit that it took a horrible losing streak to realize this because when you are making money, well...nothing will bother you. But it isn't just the losses that have made me dislike poker to a certain extent; it's the general grind of playing it everyday, trying to play like a robot. I never realized this til now because in the past poker has always been nothing but a hobby for me. And I want to keep it that way. Some of you have played consistently for years and still seem to enjoy it. Maybe you can enjoy playing it everyday without making it an obsession. I realized I can't. So I want to step away from it as much as possible. I am in no dire need for money right now, and while making a couple thousand a month would certainly be a nice luxury to have, I don't think it's worth it.
Lastly, I want to thank all of you for having helped my game a lot, and hopefully I have helped some of you. I feel like BTP is my 'poker home' and I am sad to say I won't be a regular contributor anymore. It is part of my plan to become as poker-free as I can. I will occasionally stop by to chat and talk poker, and I will try to participate in the BTP tournaments. For now though, I am cashing out most of my bankroll and keeping a small amount to enjoy an occasional $10SnG or a $50NL game. If you ever want to talk you can always send a PM and I'll have gotten it through e-mail. Good luck at the tables!
