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Saying Good-Bye (sorta)

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Saying Good-Bye (sorta)

Postby Mad Genius » Sat Feb 05, 2005 2:49 am

I've been here for three months now, but most of you know very little about me so before I say what I'm going to say I figured I would share a little bit about my life. I was a full-time college student, but due to some unfortunate circumstances I am taking this year off. I had a full-time summer job that I continued during the year as a part-time job. I didn't like my job much so I looked for an outlet to have some fun, and being that none of my friends are home, I had to find a way to keep myself busy. I began playing some small stakes internet poker games late in the summer and thought it was interesting. But due to the fact that I couldn't sit and play .05/.10 succesfully, I lost my "bankroll" of $50 and $100 several times risking my entire bankroll at once. Once I was successful enough to build it to $800 but subsequently ended up losing it all playing $2/4NL on tilt.

So that was my introduction to online poker. I have played live poker on and off for a while now and have been relatively successful at it. I've sucked for a long time but it was around March or April of 2004 that I started taking the game semi-seriously. Pretty soon I understood a whole lot more about the game and found myself beating home games with relative ease. It only seemed natural that if I tried a few more times I would pretty soon have a huge online bankroll without any problems. However, as most of you have encountered at some point or another, things aren't so simple, and even as I was finally beginning to build a real bankroll there were many times where I would take a big step back by going on tilt or playing above my level. Around November or December I finally started enjoying regular success and played the game nightly. WIthout much else to do around the house, most of my time outside of my job was spent involving poker in one way or another. I found the game to be quite fascinating and without knowing it, I began to develop an addiction for it.

Pretty soon I realized that I can make more money playing poker than I can at my job, which paid me a measely $12/hr. So I decided to quit my job. Poker was more fun, more profitable, and less stressful to me than my real job. How hard could it be to play poker full-time, right? Ha. After playing $2/4NL and $1/2NL (and LOTS of it) everyday for the past two weeks or so I've begun to hate it. My recent losing streak was not helping matters, as lots of bad beats tend to take a psychological toll on me. I found myself spending WAY too much time with poker; when not playing it I was either reviewing my hand history, talking to friends about certain hands, or reading BTP/2+2/UPF, etc. I realize this isn't what I want to be doing with my life. Poker started as a small recreation for me and I have realized that I want to keep it that way. After a particularly horrible session 3-tabling $1/2NL today where I was hit by back-to-back rivered 2-outers, I was just about finished with it. And in an incredibly stupid attempt to make my lost money back I sat at a $5/10 table and promptly got smacked by getting AA and QQ cracked for $800.

I don't want to turn this into a bad beat post. So I won't. I have realized that I don't want to be doing this anymore. I don't think my life should revolve around poker; I have to admit that it took a horrible losing streak to realize this because when you are making money, well...nothing will bother you. But it isn't just the losses that have made me dislike poker to a certain extent; it's the general grind of playing it everyday, trying to play like a robot. I never realized this til now because in the past poker has always been nothing but a hobby for me. And I want to keep it that way. Some of you have played consistently for years and still seem to enjoy it. Maybe you can enjoy playing it everyday without making it an obsession. I realized I can't. So I want to step away from it as much as possible. I am in no dire need for money right now, and while making a couple thousand a month would certainly be a nice luxury to have, I don't think it's worth it.

Lastly, I want to thank all of you for having helped my game a lot, and hopefully I have helped some of you. I feel like BTP is my 'poker home' and I am sad to say I won't be a regular contributor anymore. It is part of my plan to become as poker-free as I can. I will occasionally stop by to chat and talk poker, and I will try to participate in the BTP tournaments. For now though, I am cashing out most of my bankroll and keeping a small amount to enjoy an occasional $10SnG or a $50NL game. If you ever want to talk you can always send a PM and I'll have gotten it through e-mail. Good luck at the tables!

8-)
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Postby kennyg » Sat Feb 05, 2005 4:05 am

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Postby Rhound50 » Sat Feb 05, 2005 6:24 am

Mad Genius I'm sorry to hear your leaving us. I have always enjoyed your posts and think you are almost always right on on your reads on players and situations. From selfish perspective I hope you come back in a couple of weeks or a month after you have had some time to clear your head. I know for me there are times when I feel burnt out on poker and the last thing I want to think about is poker espcially when you are on a frustrating losing streak. In the last 3 weeks I quit my job to spend more time on school and this has made poker my only major source of income and I have definatly noticed a difference when I play, there is a lot more preassure to win and make money. Anyways there is probably more that I want to say but I have been up for almost 24 hrs, so I cant think of it right now. Good luck to you in whatever you choose to do.
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Postby tetsuo » Sat Feb 05, 2005 7:39 am

Hey Mad. Sounds like you've gone and are going through a difficult time. On behalf of everybody here may I extend our best wishes for the future..

Hopefully the burnout will fade and we'll see you around again - if not posting about poker then in Anything Goes.

You are a very well respected contributor, and we thank you for having been with us for these three months.
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Postby iceman5 » Sat Feb 05, 2005 12:40 pm

Hmmm. Im not sure what to say. I just finished losing $660 between last night and this morning, in a variety of bad beats against some of the worst play Ive ever seen at Gaming Club. And believe me , Ive seen some bad play there. But I have no desire to quit whatsoever, so I cant say I know how you feel.

I know what you mean about not wanting your life to revolve around poker though. My wife has asked me a couple times why I dont quit and play full time. I still crave poker. I look forward to playing every day,but I have a good feeling that if I played full time, I would get to the point where you are right now. Not too mention I have a great job already.

During of one of my losing streaks, which seem to hit every couple weeks, I always think I should take a break, but by the end of the day, Im ready to play again. Hopefully, you'll feel that way soon.

I think the answer is not to quit poker, but to get back to the point where youre playing part time for fun and extra cash and not relying on it.
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Postby Nortonesque » Sat Feb 05, 2005 2:31 pm

I agree with Ice -- find a job that you enjoy, and play some poker on the side. Make it a hobby and don't worry about how fast your bankroll is growing. I spend more time thinking about poker, reading about poker, and discussing poker than I actually spend playing. Which is fine by me.
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Postby briachek » Sat Feb 05, 2005 2:41 pm

I agree with everyone's sentiments here and hope you will change you mind after taking a needed break. There was a time I had no desire to play and basically didn't for a month but I'm now back with more desire to play than before. You don't want it to take over your life, but to be a healthy hobby/part-time/full-time job. I've been able to make it between a hobby and part-time job by having an easy, albeit, low paying part-time job, and I find this to be a great compromise. I hope you find something that suits you and will come back soon.
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Postby TheUnknownPlayer » Sun Feb 06, 2005 2:07 am

MG,

You may not get this because you won't be coming around anymore - so maybe this is going to fall on deaf ears. Regardless, here's my thoughts on the matter.

I've been doing this for fourteen years. The truth of the matter is that every year I meet scores of people who are beginning their trip as professional poker players. Most of them are easy to dismiss. They've quit their job and are playing for a living but it's usually simply that they've been running good for a while and in another 6 months or so they're going to figure out that the easy money isn't so easy after all. They can't fade the hard times, the bad runs, the emotional cost or a host of other difficulties. Of all the aspiring pro's I've met in cardrooms over the last ten year who have decided to give it a shot - I can't think of three who are still playing. It's a tough ride. Few make it.

I've read your posts here at BTP. It's my opinion that while you may not have exactly what it takes right now - you are one of the few who can get there from where you now stand. If you've decided that you don't want to do this any more - I can respect that but I'll miss your contributions here at btp and watching your progress. If you decide you want to talk about it more - PM me if you see this and we'll talk. Here, PM or I'll give you a call if you want.

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Postby Cactus Jack » Sun Feb 06, 2005 3:40 am

MG, I too add my regrets. I've actually thought a lot about you after you posted this on Friday, but wanted to let it simmer a couple of days before replying. Unlike the rest, I believe you haven't quite left us yet, so here goes. It's time for a little trip to Uncle Jack's Woodshed.

You may stop playing, but you aren't going to quit. This poker playing may seem to be an addiction, but it's not, really, unless it's possible to give up life it's own self. Many years ago, I was in the hotel business. I quit to open my own business, and it was months before I stopped missing the pressure of the hotel business. Every day something new and different came at me. It never stopped. Many who left the business burned out, returned, because they couldn't give up the pressure. They were adrenaline junkies. Nothing else measured up. I was one of the few who did, and probably shouldn't have.

I started writing novels. I wrote five. I quit just before I started to get really good. It was probably the right decision because I was trying to break into a business that was diminishing. People simply aren't reading as much anymore. But giving up was a mistake. Any time you put that much into something without seeing it to the finish, sets you up for failure down the road. It's very easy to fall into the trap of accepting failure. Losing can become a habit. It's a habit you don't want to get into, trust me. You've put a lot into this activity. You don't really know yet whether this is going to pass or you truly aren't cut out for it. In time, you will. But I think you won't quit for good, because what else are you going to do? Work in the post office? If you've come this far, it's because you're not cut out for a civil service type job or a factory line job where every day is the same as yesterday. You're a born gambler, a risk taker. It's what we are. If you stop playing poker, you'll have to find something else which trips the switch, makes your nerves sing, and satisfies the need of the adrenaline junky. Good luck.

Finally, as Kenny said, you must improve your self-discipline. You must. Period. Not just for poker, but for your life. If there is one single thing that separates the winners from the losers in life, it's the winner has more self-discipline. Before intelligence and dilligence can take hold, there must be persistance. It's the one thing that seems to be hardest for smart people. If you don't improve this area of yourself, you'll be sorry, my friend. When you're fifty years old like me, and still waiting to find that nirvana, that perfect job, that perfect wife, the perfect life, you'll look back and realize it was all right there for you, but you didn't have the patience and self-discipline to hold onto it.

Life is like the Fram man said, "You can pay me now or you can pay me later." Learn early to pay the price. As the wisest man I've ever known is so fond of saying, "You don't pay the price to win. You enjoy the price of winning. You pay the price of losing."

I hope you can do it. I hope everyone who reads this heeds the advice of an old man who should have known better, but didn't. If you don't, it's a sad, and terribly difficult life, and it finishes far sooner than you think.

Find what you like to do, and as long as you enjoy it more often than you don't, keep doing it. As long as it's 51%/49% like it/hate it, you've got the edge. The human mind tends to focus more on the wrong at the time than on the right, until you lose it, then it remembers only the good and forgets the bad. That's why people have bad marriages and leave, only to regret it later. Same with jobs. We want perfect, but don't realize nothing is, but on the whole a greater half is pretty damn good.

They say, poker isn't like life. Life is like poker. I'm really starting to believe it's as true as anything I've ever heard. And, having lived a lot of life, more than most people could ever dream of, it's the best life, for those who can't do anything else but.

Good luck finding your way. Winning life isn't easy. But losing is harder.

Best wishes from your Old Uncle, Cactus Jack.
"Are the players better as the stakes go up? It's not an exam; it's a buyin." Barry Tanenbaum
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Postby iceman5 » Sun Feb 06, 2005 9:05 am

One clarification if I may....


"If you've come this far, it's because you're not cut out for a civil service type job or a factory line job where every day is the same as yesterday"


I have a civil service job and each day is most certainly not the same as yesterday. I know what you mean though.
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Postby Cactus Jack » Mon Feb 07, 2005 4:37 am

LOL. When I wrote that I knew what your reaction would be. A cop is to civil service what fighter pilot is to government employee. Not too many govt jobs out there which are tight/aggressive. Most limp into the pot of life, which was what I was going after.

Let's be careful out there.
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Postby Felonius_Monk » Mon Feb 07, 2005 8:48 am

Good luck in whatever you choose to do, MG. There is more to life than poker and if you think that taking a break (even an apparently permanent one) is the right thing to do for you right now, then I think you take a very brave and possibly beneficial decision.

Maybe you'll be able to return to it with a fresh outlook and more impetus after some time out of the game. I recall when I had a horrible time at the end of last year, I simply cashed out all my money online and quit playing for a while. Although I'm only easing myself back in this year (and haven't had the hunger to play the sort of hours I did at times in 2004) I've had a generally satisfactory start to 2005 and broke my January $2k target, which is the first time i've felt satisfied with my poker game for about 3 or 4 months.

Lastly, I think it's good to find time for other things. I think playing online especially can have a seriously detrimental effect on other aspects of your life and if you're doing it purely as a money-making exercise you can lose focus and perspective on a lot of other things. At times in the last 12 months or so I too have felt that I've been living to play, and although it's been mostly enjoyable I've sometimes been of the opinion that grinding out the hours and winnings that I have has lead me to lose out on other things. Despite what everyone seems to suggest, this is not an easy game. It's easy to forget that, when things go bad, you're one of the top 10-15% or so of online players if you're a winner, and probably among the top 2 or 3% if you're a consistent winner making a decent chunk of change from the game. That in itself is something of an impressive statistic and something we should all take heart in. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it would be a shame to give up on something that you're so good at, whilst at the same time I agree totally with taking an unconditional break from the game and returning to it if and when you think it's right for you.

Whilst you're young, free and single there are plenty more things you could do with life that you'll look back at fondly in your old age than to sit in front of a monitor in all your free time, even if the money and the kudos seems great now. We all find our limits and our ceiling in anything we do in life and there is no need to push yourself to do things you don't want just because you feel that you're capable of doing so. Anyways, good luck and best wishes for the future, hope to see you around in the btp tourneys at least!

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Postby TheUnknownPlayer » Mon Feb 07, 2005 2:35 pm

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Postby kennyg » Mon Feb 07, 2005 4:25 pm

Sadly, since MG has left it seems the forum has slowed down a little bit.

Suhleafs just won his first MTT last night though and he is a good part of this community. It's great to see friends from our forum do well and achieve their goals..See, poker isn't all bad :)
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Postby Mad Genius » Wed Feb 09, 2005 1:22 am

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